Harder

If I am being honest, I find it a lot harder to be a good parent then I thought.  When I was pregnant I imagined myself as some sort of MotherTheresa, always calm, alway present.  This is not true. You are pretty much the same person as before just much more tired.  While I do work on my temper and really being with my kids, not just watching them.  I have to admit that I lose it sometimes, I say things I have to say sorry for.  I spend to much time on the computer, semi ignoring what they are up to.  I am not proud of this and I really wish it wasn't so.  I keep making the effort though.  I will remember these nights playing outside much more then the show I wish I was watching inside.  While we have a goal of giving up T.V.  altogether,  I am kinda of scared to do this.  I have no idea what it will be fully like but I know with every fiber of my being it is the right choice for us.  We have debated on how to do this.  Will the new house just not haveT.V.?  Will this just make them not like the house as much or always want to go to friends who do?  I don't know I guess we will find out along the way.  If I  am being 100% truthful it is me who is most scared, the kids probably won't mind.  What will I do on those oh so very long days and we all just need a little break?  I will figure it out.  I think as moms we set our bars maybe a little to high(hello, there is only one Mother Theresa for a reason).  While striving to be a great mom is not a bad thing, beating ourselves up while doing it is. Today I hope to snuggle my kiddos a little bit more and for today that is enough.  May the same be to you and yours.