In need of rest

I feel like he was looking for something to cry over tonight.   It's been a long weekend followed by a long day with friends, that my kids miss so much they cried most of the way home tonight.  He went through every item in the house with a shaky voice "mom can I bring this to our new house?"   Yes Huck, you can bring that toy, that I had no idea existed and I have never seen you play with, but if it means that much to you please bring it along!   Every time I went to go get something I would come back to him trying to keep it together saying "I think when we move we are not going to bring that picture on the wall and its my favorite" Everything, I assured him, can come.   Then he found it , "can we bring this room and these walls to our new house?"  No sweet boy the walls stay here.  Then it was over.  I get it in a lot of ways and when I am tired I want to act the same way.  While we are so excited about the future, we are sad to leave.   Alex and I have fixed his house with our own two hands, from top to bottom.  There are some serious blood sweat and tears here.  We brought Fisher home here, we watched as Harper barely able to talk would yell "go go go!" to runners on the back path.  I watched Huck and Fisher learn to crawl here and take their first steps.  There are a lot of firsts in this house.   It is the right decision, something I am reminded of daily in some way or another, it doesn't make it any easier though.   While leaving Golden was much harder for me then leaving here, I need to remind myself that really this is the first move these kids will be making (the first they will remember anyways). I hope it is the last.   That we find what we are looking for.   We told the neighbors that is official we are selling, they looked sad and said "well we hope you find what you are looking for." When Alex told me this I squeezed his hand and felt tears coming to my eyes and thought, me too.   It's been a good house which we will look back on fondly walls and all.