Harder

If I am being honest, I find it a lot harder to be a good parent then I thought.  When I was pregnant I imagined myself as some sort of MotherTheresa, always calm, alway present.  This is not true. You are pretty much the same person as before just much more tired.  While I do work on my temper and really being with my kids, not just watching them.  I have to admit that I lose it sometimes, I say things I have to say sorry for.  I spend to much time on the computer, semi ignoring what they are up to.  I am not proud of this and I really wish it wasn't so.  I keep making the effort though.  I will remember these nights playing outside much more then the show I wish I was watching inside.  While we have a goal of giving up T.V.  altogether,  I am kinda of scared to do this.  I have no idea what it will be fully like but I know with every fiber of my being it is the right choice for us.  We have debated on how to do this.  Will the new house just not haveT.V.?  Will this just make them not like the house as much or always want to go to friends who do?  I don't know I guess we will find out along the way.  If I  am being 100% truthful it is me who is most scared, the kids probably won't mind.  What will I do on those oh so very long days and we all just need a little break?  I will figure it out.  I think as moms we set our bars maybe a little to high(hello, there is only one Mother Theresa for a reason).  While striving to be a great mom is not a bad thing, beating ourselves up while doing it is. Today I hope to snuggle my kiddos a little bit more and for today that is enough.  May the same be to you and yours. 

Simple Saturdays

Those eyes, every time.  

Drained

The days have been long, so long.  Moving is exhausting.  Children are melting and demanding we move back (well just one is).  Teeth are needing x-rayed (apparently smacking it on the diving board will cause it to turn grey).  I am collapsing into bed praying that it will be easier that the up swing will begin.  (The room we are staying in right now is beach themed)

Transition

The snores started so quickly after the tears that at first I thought he was faking.  I didn't expect him to have such a hard time with this transition, I should have, but I didn't.  I don't really know what to do to make it better.  I guess there really isn't anything that I can do.  I offered him my camera , so he can take pictures of everything, so he won't forget.  It hurts me that in some way, I am causing this pain.  I wish he could see the big picture like we do.  This too shall pass.  For now it is extra snuggles and some tears.  The snuggles are nice. 

What are you working on Wednesday!

While I have made these Pheobes  a while ago,  I just got to taking pictures of them.  This pattern was so fun to do.  Fisher loves these and kept grabbing at them while I was knitting so I am guessing I will be making a third.  I loved making the heads and  body but felt like it took forever to get through the arms and legs.  I made Hucks mouse (whom he has cleverly named mousey) a pebble vest to match his.  Harper was upset during the photo shot,  she had spilled a bunch of glue on her earlier and it was bothering her but she didn't want to take it off either because it hurt her.  Huck really has taken to his mouse more then Harper and looks for it as a source of comfort.  One  morning when I peeked on him, he had tucked he and mousey into some blankets (he refuses to sleep with any blankets).  I highly recommend this pattern and I hope my kids treasure for quite sometime!
Please visit Ginny  for other peoples projects that they are workin on!

Sometimes

:: sometimes your camera breaks and you have to memorize your Husband teaching your son to skateboard, even the smells, so that you don't forget.

:: the chick you liked least ends up being the sweetest chicken of all and falls asleep in your arms while you pet it.

:: you act upon faith alone and hope it works out.

:: you realize that during this whole move you have been taking care of the physical things for everyone and completely forgot to take care of the emotional for everyone.

:: you have to give up on your goals of the day and snuggle the little boy that is struggling with the transition a little longer. 

:: your neighbor comes and tells you exactly what you needed to hear, another confirmation you are doing the right thing

:: you still worry and over think, what if your not.  

Laughter

At just four years old she said "I'll just text my friends."  I couldn't help but laugh out loud at that one.  They catch on so quick these ones! 

Simple Saturdays

On the weeks where you sweep the floors for over an hour and turn around and give the kids popcorn and brush your teeth with aquafor, it's best to remember these simple moments, savor them, stay a little longer

The LAKE!

We made it!! It was a eventful ride up that took us so long due to weather and a few extra stops.  Getting in there was stressful because we had no electricity due to the storms and poor Jazz (our bulldog) could barley breath.  The kids didn't get to bed till almost midnight beucase of the comotion of the night.  All that was erased when we spent the day on the beach!  Where Fisher got to go in the water (head first a few times...wild boy) and we all played in the sand and Alex found a baby turtle, who was released back into the water, after Harper held it for a while.  We named the turtle cyber diamond (by we I mean Harper and Huck).  Harper  was worried that the baby might get hurt from all the sticks in the water.  She loves animals so, I told her the turtle is probably back with its moma and holding hands to which she replied "Mooom turtles don't hold hands!"  We are going to look up and see what kind of turtles they are and learn more about them.  Huck asked if we can stay another night,  Harper asked if we can stay for six more weeks.  It's safe to say we are having fun.

Let's go fly a kite!

On the last day at the lake, we made sure we got on the lake before we left to go back home.  It was a little windy and not quite perfect beach weather but that didn't bother us.  My mom decided it was perfect kite flying weather and man was she right!  I am so thankful for the lake, knowing that the kids will forever remember these days.  Knowing I will forever remember them both with my children and in my own childhood as well.

Packing up

While packing I took picture of little bits of my home to remember the little stuff.  The little h's are custom artwork from Harper and Huck all over my house.  Had to take a few of those to not forget.  I still can't get over how much stuff we have accumulated over the years.  The people at goodwill are going to start to recognize us and I don't think that is a good thing, since we still have so many rooms left to go.

Getting older

We got our hair cuts today. My mom came with to help and she took the littles out to play while Harper and I stayed to get hers done.  Harper was so excited and chatty the whole time talking about anything and everything that would come to her mind.  I didn't need to talk for her at all, she carried the conversation all on her own.  I sat there silent, mostly listening but thinking how grown up she really has become.  It feels like just days ago I was walking along side the river, pregnant and dreaming about this little girl and how she would be.  In that same sense not a lot has changed as I imagined her as a teenager getting her haircut and completely carrying the conversation herself, maybe not wanting me near any longer.  When I looked at her I could almost see exactly what she would look like.  I ached for her as a baby holding her in the rocking chair looking out the window at the passerby's.  I ached for her where she is right now, knowing that I am going to look back and miss this so much.  There is no pause button and with kids it is so true that the days are long, so long, but the years man they are fast.

In need of rest

I feel like he was looking for something to cry over tonight.   It's been a long weekend followed by a long day with friends, that my kids miss so much they cried most of the way home tonight.  He went through every item in the house with a shaky voice "mom can I bring this to our new house?"   Yes Huck, you can bring that toy, that I had no idea existed and I have never seen you play with, but if it means that much to you please bring it along!   Every time I went to go get something I would come back to him trying to keep it together saying "I think when we move we are not going to bring that picture on the wall and its my favorite" Everything, I assured him, can come.   Then he found it , "can we bring this room and these walls to our new house?"  No sweet boy the walls stay here.  Then it was over.  I get it in a lot of ways and when I am tired I want to act the same way.  While we are so excited about the future, we are sad to leave.   Alex and I have fixed his house with our own two hands, from top to bottom.  There are some serious blood sweat and tears here.  We brought Fisher home here, we watched as Harper barely able to talk would yell "go go go!" to runners on the back path.  I watched Huck and Fisher learn to crawl here and take their first steps.  There are a lot of firsts in this house.   It is the right decision, something I am reminded of daily in some way or another, it doesn't make it any easier though.   While leaving Golden was much harder for me then leaving here, I need to remind myself that really this is the first move these kids will be making (the first they will remember anyways). I hope it is the last.   That we find what we are looking for.   We told the neighbors that is official we are selling, they looked sad and said "well we hope you find what you are looking for." When Alex told me this I squeezed his hand and felt tears coming to my eyes and thought, me too.   It's been a good house which we will look back on fondly walls and all.

Father's Day part I

We are back from the lake and had so much fun! Now it is back to life back to reality! (Know that song? No? Showing my age a little?) We are going to start packing and moving like mad people! I am so nervous / excited.
Here are our fathers days gifts! They were so much fun! I got the idea off of pintrest and the best part is that they were free! All of it was used from scraps! It was pretty simple to make.  I found a board in the garage and with a saw I sawed it down to three small sizes.  We then stained it and let it dry.  Then we made a heart template and I hammered each nail in, just a little, one inch apart from each other and then the kids finished them off.   The kids were so excited that they got to use the hammer.   Alex and I got them those little hammers a while back and truthfully they were still a little too big.  Soon I want to invest in hammers for them from here.  Each kid choose their own yarn.  Huck choose three colors because he is three and I really questioned the blue at first but once it was all together I really liked the color combo.   Harper choose a bunch of pinks (she actually chose four pinks but got a little sick of the project and quit after two) and fisher chose that blue one.  It is funny how they already like stuff at a certain age.   I highly recommend this project.
The best part of moving so far?   Getting rid of ALOT of our stuff it feels almost freeing!  There is so much that we have accumulated over the years and feels wonderful to get rid of it.  I hope we haven't crossed a line and gotten rid of to much stuff.
I hope you guys had a great Father's Day!  Thanks again for all the hard work you guys do.  There is nothing better then watching our Bupa love on our kiddos.  Today he gave me sometime to finish up Harpers quilt top and when I came to find them, he was sitting with them all painting their toe nails. It's simple moments like that, I know I so blessed.

Simple Saturday

Even in the chaos of that night there was beauty.  There usually is you just have to stop and look for it.   I am thankful he thought to take this picture or I would have forgot.

Early mornings

Lately Huck has been waking up early, like 5:45 early.  I have never been a morning person so at first this is hard for me.   After a few sleepy minutes, I really do enjoy it.   I have so much to get done today that when he came in I said "let's go downstairs".  "Noooos we need to snuggle."  How can you say no to that?  While my first thought is often all ready? when I hear his door, I am so thankful for these moments where he wants to snuggle and talk about anything and everything that comes to that little head of his.