Shoes

I am finding it hard to put myself in anyone's or any things shoes then mine.   It's like everyone, everything else is a blur and all I see is my kids, my husband.  I don't think this is a good thing.   When I do think of or do things for others I feel like it takes a tremendous effort on my part.   I wish it wasn't this way, but it is the truth.  I am told it will get easier, that as my kids get older i will be able to "think outside the box".  I wonder if I will never be able to step away from the mothering role.   For example, being so worried about this little bird and its moma.   I checked for her numerous times today she is no where to be seen.   The baby is still there and still breathing.  I shouldn't care I mean this is just nature doing its thing, but I can't separate how that moma must feel losing two babies and another possibly hurt. I need to find that line and stay firmly on it.   I hope this will get easier the more we are exposed to it.

Tears

He had the big fat tears that pool up in your eyes and hang out there for a few seconds before they fall, and just about killed me.   I expected it to effect her but not him so much.  I couldn't tell if the bird was suffering or not but I couldn't get myself to finish the job per se.   I put it back in the nest and the nest back up.   I hope the moma now gets that I am on her side.   He wanted to say something to the other chicks that didn't make it.  He held my hand and said " I am so sorry that you dies."   I am not sure if he understood that they had all ready passed and I was just putting them away.   I think he thought I was just getting rid of them like an old toy or something.   This bird nest in my house has been such a struggle but also such a joy.  I hope that moma bird is doing ok.

Heavy

My heart felt heavy at the support I get in my life and broken for those who have to or choose to do this alone.

This one

This one shook me up more then the others.   I am not sure, maybe because he got hurt at my lack of protecting him.  Should of, could of ,would of.  He is ok.  I checked on him so many times during his nap and knitted, attempting to take my worry and where it was going in my head away.
Huck and Alex were the first in the pool.   Alex said he could see Huck's smile before he even came up out of the water.  At only 65 degrees he claimed "it feels warm to me" that kid is amazing.

Once in a life time

That was amazing.   We are both changed because of it.  I worry more about this little bird then I really should.